Love Is Not A Big Enough Word

7 Oct

Since I’ve been at home, looking back I’m filled with immense gratitude for having the opportunity to watch Samuel as he develops into this little person that I just can’t seem to get enough of!!!

I love waking up to your smile in the mornings! Since you refuse to sleep in your cot at night, you share sleeping space with you dad and I. Although you could sleep better, there is no other sight I would rather see when my eyes first open (once the sun has come up, just to be clear).

I love hearing your laugh! It’s so contagious that it melts my heart. I think you might have a little drama in you no thanks to your mother’s side of the family (we won’t mention names) but you seem to enjoy making me laugh at you – we better not have class-clown on our hands!

I love how you squeeze your eyes shut mid-cry just so that your tears can fall down your cheeks! It’s hilarious and no I don’t feel sorry for you because I know it’s the drama playing out.

I love how you love to have a full on conversation with me in gibberish. I hope that I haven’t created a “monster” where one day I’ll turn around and ask you to pipe it. For now, you’re adorable and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I especially love hearing you sing. Hearing your voice is as close to heavenly as I will ever get. You get that talent from both your father and I but I’m sure he’ll say a lot more from him. Your dad sings to you when you’re crabby or sick or just need to be soothed. We sang in a band back in the day and he sang to me on our wedding day, I hope its something you’ll want to pursue (not as a career though).

I love your chubby cheeks, thighs and yes your bottom! I’m your mother, I carried you for nearly ten months, I was in labour for eight hours so yes, I get the right to say that I love your bum too… and I kiss it every chance I get!!! There is nothing more divine than kissing you until you turn red from laughing and can’t breathe from hiccups. I love your smell, I breathe in deeply while I snuggle next to you hoping to somehow capture your smell in my memory forever.

I’m obsessed with your breath! Weird I know but I’m your mother, I carried you for nearly ten months, I was in labour for eight hours so yes, I get the right to say that I love your breath too!!! Why? Because from the moment the midwife put you on my chest after you were born and as we lay face-to-face, I was ennamered by how beautifully sweet the amniotic fluid smelled as you exhaled. I will never forget that for as long as I live. So while some mornings are not so kosher, somehow your breath is still so sweet to me.

I love how shy you get around strangers! I love how you put your head in the crook of my neck and look down. I love how you cling to me then because I know there will come a time when you think that you are too big to be around mommy and you’ll want to leave the safety of my lap to venture off into the world without me in tow.

I love you! All of you! Everything about you! I always will! I’m your mother and that will never change (so get used to it). It’s amazing how much detail we forget as time goes on but here and now, I want you to read this and know that no matter how you turn out, irritate me, give me palpitations, or how much sleep I might lose, I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER!

I realized the other day that I don’t just love my son. I am in love with him. I am utterly smitten with this tiny human being. I am completely cast under his spell. We are joined at the hip, me and baby, and the bond is unbreakable. We are Avatar-ed.

As much as I go on, I doubt I will ever find the magic words to fully capture the emotions that I have towards you. But it’s the best feeling in the world just giving it a try.

Love you to the sky and back Baby Boy


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