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Today, I graduate.

30 Mar

I am a bunch of mixed emotions and excitement is not one of them. You see, this is not the first time I’ve graduated because I have a previous degree and my first graduation ceremony felt like an anticlimax. I suppose the universities have to go through the formality of it for their students but 2 hours pale immensely when compared to the 3 years of sacrifice it took to get here. My husband of all people would have an inkling as to what has been required but even he really has no idea. Extra lessons during the week and on Sunday’s, missed parties, leaving family lunches early and emotions I feel where no words could ever suffice! Being a mature student has had its pros and cons but I won’t go into that now, what I will say however is how grateful I am to have completed this undergrad in the allotted time. Many of my fellow students have taken longer than I have with less than half the life commitments I’ve had to shoulder. 

I owe a huge thanks to my parents who have gone above and beyond for me, they are truly a God-send. No words are enough except to say a VERY BIG thank you and I love you both. My husband has been a soldier in the trenches of life with me and my biggest cheerleader – the yin to my yang andmy light when there where many dark days. Thank you my love.

While I feel like I am not where my life “should” be due to the fact that two major dreams are yet to be fulfilled, I have to remind myself that life happens in the here and now. No amount of comparison could make me happy, ever. I’m cognizant that today is the symbol of a small stepping stone for which I am to be grateful, it is this little milestone that has moved me that one step closer to my hopes and dreams becoming a reality. And I should definitely be proud of me – young, black, educated, full of potential and with a world of opportunities awaiting me. 

So to you reading this: never stop dreaming and never stop believing! Today is a manifestation of yesterday’s hopes, dreams and what you believe to be true.

Spirit lead me…

8 Aug

Here are the lyrics to a song that I have had on repeat for an ENTIRE week, it’s been such a blessing, take a listen and let the words seep into your soul, it’s called “Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)” by Hillsongs United.

“You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start now

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am your and you are mine
.”

I am all He says I am…

11 Apr

This birthday was different to the FEW that I have celebrated before. Don’t get me wrong, it was beautiful and insightful in its own special way. In my parents house, and even now that I’m an adult, birthdays are big deals! I still get asked what’s in my birthday wish list (which I think about for months beforehand) but the list gets shorter with each passing year and for the last three years, it hasn’t changed. See babe, I’m not high to maintain. Having said all of that, I do however have the blessing and privilege of sharing my birthday with my mother, well it’s more the case that she gets to share hers with me, either way, I wouldn’t trade it for a thing.
My day was filled with the usual phone calls from family and friends, Facebook posts that made me feel so special because someone took the time to say 2 little words. That means a lot in the busy world that we live in! Sam had swimming lessons that afternoon and hubby had a PTA meeting that evening so there wasn’t a candlelit dinner or any fireworks but some lights did come on…. Let me explain.
For a while now, I have said that I do not believe in coincidence. I do believe that with hard work and prayer, if my hearts desires are realized that is amazing, but equally, if they don’t then God is still good and His plans for my life will lead me into the paths that I need to take. There’s a lot that I am praying and trusting God for but I don’t always live from that place of rest in Him and His goodness. I don’t make New Years resolutions but I have come to challenge myself to live what I profess, and if my profession is that I trust Him then that should show up in how I act and in what I say.
My hubby asked me at the end of my day (when he finally came home) how it felt to be my age? First of all, a lady never reveals how young she is. And secondly, I’m not sure if it’s all these twenties that I hang around with at varsity but I certainly do not feel my age… Except when I go out all night long (like I did recently) and it took me about two days to recover, hahaha. Apart from that, I have come into my own in terms of feeling comfortable with myself, my warts, my hopes and dreams, my downfalls and failures. I am my own package deal and I dig me. I’ve found my own two feet, expressing my spirituality and that has made the biggest difference to me thus far. I love the journey that I’m on with God, His insights, His leanings, His mysteries but more than anything is His unconditional and unending love. He cares about the details of my life!!! That’s the kinds of things that were on my mind on the day of my birthday.
In 1 Kings 19, the bible tells the story of Elijah. He was running away from people who wanted to murder him and in his time of need, God was not in the wind, earth quake or fire. God was in a still small voice. So while we are looking for an external display, or a sign, or even for someone else to affirm us, I’ve come to understand that I am His dearly beloved one and so is every creature in the known universe. We are all precious to Him, and if we allow Him to, He’ll take such pleasure in telling us and showing us for the rest of our days.
About not believing in coincidences, I’ve come across a Buddhist proverb that says: “when the student is ready, the teacher will appear” and I have found that certain books, readings, scriptures, teachings, music and much more has come into my path and fallen into my lap because I’m more open than I used to be. I had a particular song on repeat in my car throughout my day and here are the beautiful lyrics that I want to share with you. I hope you allow them to penetrate the depths of your soul and come to KNOW the One who is nothing but goodness, mercy and love.

All He Says I Am” Lyrics by Gateway Worship | from the album Forever Yours

He whispers in my ear
Tells me that I’m fearless

He shares a melody
Tells me to repeat it
And it makes me whole
It reminds my soul

I am all He says I am
I am all He says I am
I am all He says I am
And He says I am His own

I was blinded by scales upon my eyes
Then He came like a light
And burned up all the lies
He set me free
He reminded me

I am all He says I am
I am all He says I am
I am all He says I am
An He says I am His own

Chains are broken
Scales are on the floor
Truth is spoken
I’m no orphan anymore

I am loved
I am new again
I am free
I’m no slave to sin
I’m saint
I am righteousness
I’m alive

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Words of Wisdom

31 Mar

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Pro-life or Pro-chioce?

19 Mar

It’s not a raging debate here in South Africa like it is in the United States of America but it certainly is one worth considering. What started this quest for information was when someone close to me recently told me that they needed to have an abortion. She is a young, single mother and she has very little support financially. My first response was that it was her decision if that’s what she wanted to do.

Can someone who professes to be a Christian be pro-choice? I read an article by a woman who was pro-life after three abortions! Quite contrary one would say, even hypocritical. In the article, you come to understand that it’s through the devastation of abortion, that being pro-life is her choice. It is that bad, that heartbreaking and that traumatic.

 I started to investigate what the terms pro-life and pro-choice actually meant. Pro-choice is not pro-abortion but it does give the woman the right to ultimately choose. The stigma attached to abortion is that “you were stupid to fall pregnant in a day with freely available contraception”, “you knew what you were doing by having sex” or “you’re just looking for the easy way out!” Then the “sense” of justice and judgment follows with “you made your bed so you should lie in it.” It’s so sad how people so easily forget that it takes two to tango. There was the Gosnell case recently in the USA that horrified and turned many pro-choicers into pro-lifers. The man standing trial showed how brutal the process of abortion can be and it is hectic.

What people fail to understand is that a life is irrevocably changed once a woman falls pregnant and that whatever choice is made about that pregnancy, that woman’s life will never be the same EVER. There is hardship ahead whether my friend keeps the baby or terminates the pregnancy. I can’t tell her to keep it and know that I will not be able to support her, how dare I? Being a mother makes me so much more compassionate because I understand how hard it is for two adults to take care of one little baby let alone a single mother. Woman should be given the right to choose with freedom from judgment or criticism. There are so many orphaned kids in our country as it is, why add to the stats.

It makes me think that educating our kids about sex is more than telling them to abstain or to condom-ise. We need to find people whose life stories illustrate the complexity and the responsibility that come with the choices we make. It wouldn’t take us long, considering the word we live in, to figure out that we know someone living with HIV, or who has had an abortion or even living with an STI. If we could get those family members or friends to share lovingly with our kids, maybe they would make different choices. Maybe somewhere in the back of their minds, they would think twice before being reckless with their sexuality or maybe, just maybe, they would have someone to turn to who would understand should they find themselves in any predicament.

Just my thoughts…

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