Tag Archives: student

I needed to remind myself of this today

1 Oct

I’ve been pretty quiet lately because varsity is getting so hectic with end-of-term tests leading up to final exams which start in three weeks time!!!! My stress levels have soared. I’ve got really, really good marks for some subjects and failing tests for others so I’ve been really worried about how I’ll make it to write my 2nd year final exams. You will understand from my earlier posts that I take my studies seriously, I have some wild aspirations and I just honestly do not have the luxury of time to fail. Time is ticking! I need to pass, graduate and join the workforce and I have put myself under a lot of pressure. Not to mention that I suffered my first migraine ever!!! My dad suffers from that and you cannot begin to understand the excruciating torture it is until you’ve had one – especially when all you have is Pandos to take for it – not funny at all!!!

All in all, Lester and I decided to do the Nike 10K 2013 this month and with the way I’ve felt (miff and all), I just wanted to go for a run. But more importantly, I had to get back to remembering the basics: I have a privileged life, I am blessed beyond measure and that in the end, it is all going to work out awesomely for my GOOD! It’s about remembering to be grateful for the little things and that I still have a fighting chance – the fat lady has not sung YET! It’s not the end of me! I’m a hard-worker and life really does go on!!!

So here’s a little something I found and I hope it encourages you…

 

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Sometimes I don’t know….

23 Aug

Today is one of those days when I just don’t know! I feel like I lost my compass somewhere along the way and don’t know where to find it. I don’t know if I’m going to pass all my exams at the end of the year. I don’t know what I’m going to do while on holiday for 3 months without any work or form of pay. I don’t know how long I’m going last being a full-time student, a wife and mother for the next three years. I don’t know that I’m coping.

While I sit and type, tears are running down my face because I feel so overwhelmed. People who don’t have degrees have a job that I couldn’t get and now I’m  doing a second one with really no guarantee that I’ll get one after all this.

I miss coming home and not having work to do at all, now I’m so busy during the week and on weekends, minus the extra lessons I attend on weekends. I miss the luxury of watching a movie without the guilt of not working. I miss getting my hair and nails (more so my feet) done like I used to when I could afford it. I miss walking into the shops to pay my account and walking out with something special for me because I could afford it. I hate that I have had to endure more than a week of such excruciating neck pain, the kind that would wake me from my sleep and all I could do was pop pills when all I wanted to do was see a chiropractor but didn’t have enough money.

I’m so tired of trying to think positive thoughts. I’m tired of trying to put one foot in front of the other not knowing where I’m going. I’m tired of being tired about the state of my life and yet some part of  me remains grateful for the opportunity I have to study full-time to try improve my life. I’m grateful that I have a roof over my head that’s not falling apart, a warm bed to sleep in and food to eat. I’m grateful for friends in the same boat (Maree and Sifiso) at varsity who share in the pain and despair that life has inflicted upon us. I’m grateful for my little family and that my child is mine.

While I am having a really, really, really off day and I suspect that there will be plenty more of these to come, I would love the reassurance that it will all work out and be okay in the end. While we are not guaranteed it,the thought that I’m left with is this:  “Many things about tomorrow I don’t seem to understand; but I know who holds tomorrow and I know who holds my hand” ~ Alison Krauss

 

 

 

Can you say PYSCHO???

8 Jan

No not me or anyone I know for that matter. Recently I got the opportunity to study again, full-time or part-time at my discretion but I’m going the whole hog and  the full Monty, orientation, classes, assignments and exams for the next four years!

In grade 11, I went to see an educational psychologist who ran a battery of psychometric tests for cognitive function, personality and the like to see which careers (as a rough guide) would be of interest to me based on the results. Needless to say, I was very much into helping people (which I still love) but this time around, my priorities have changed somewhat. Choosing a career path once you leave the safe haven of high school is such a big responsibility – what do we know really about how the world works or whether our career choice will bring the fantasy to fruition?

On the day of the psychometrics, I sat with three teenagers and all they spoke about was getting loads of money in the least amount of time,  with as little work to do as possible – we’ve all had those deillusions of grandeur at some point or another.Having had a very hilarious conversation with some girlfriends about  the studying saga in general, the truth is that while a diploma or degree of sorts is always good to fall back on, what’s really important is the application of oneself in life and in the working world. Some people are really fortunate to get by without having much of a formal education but those tend to be the exception and not the rule, in my opinion.

I have such mixed feelings about being a full-time student AGAIN six years later. While I’m a little more mature, there’s no denying that the stakes are raised; I have no time or money to waste! If there’s something I don’t understand during class, I’m not going to sit back like I would have all those years ago and battle it out on my own. Questions like: can I still do it again, do I still have what it takes, am I crazy all plague me from time to time.  Who knows what these next four years will be like or what experiences it will bring, having a family now complicates the “student life” all the more, no more lazy days for me.

Oh well…. 2012 is definitely the start of a new chapter for me. I better buckle up and enjoy the ride…

Life is not about finding yourself but about creating yourself and whatever you want your life to be.

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