Finding our way

Just the 3 of us

Last night Sam spent the entire night in his bed with Froggie but I did not expect to have such a range mixed emotions after the fact.

Sam was about 2 weeks old when I hauled him out of his beautifully crafted, mahogany-stained, french-style cot and stuck him in my bed at my boob and manage to sleep. My excuse was that I was breast-feeding. When his first winter came along then I said that it was too cold to kick him out. Summer came back and then I said that at a year HE wouldn’t want to leave so I kicked him out to try but I was too lazy to really see it through. Then winter came along again and my heart was too sore to leave him alone in the cold. And now two and a half years later I’m not that gatvol, I just want it to be different.

Last night while sitting his darkened room, I started to wonder if I had really created the monster that I was now dealing with. Who or what was the real monster? Was it me for letting him sleep with us for so long? Was it him for not wanting to leave? Was it that I had not sleep-trained my only child? Understand that I have issues, lots of them when it comes to motherhood but with the whole sleeping issue, you’ll see from this post that I battle to sleep alone, I love snuggling up to another body. During the course of the day, I was a comment on a blog post about encouraging parents, the comment was that there are no bad parents just bad parenting and I somewhat disagree. I do think that some people should not have kids and that parents do bad things but that should not make them bad parents (excluding abusers and the like). My sleeping preferences have been sanity-saving in my opinion and just because I now want to do things differently, shouldn’t mean I did it wrong to start of with.

And over here I’ve gone on and on about how hectically this year has been already. Apart from that I’ve really been wanting to do more work in the evenings with the emphasis on wanting, not getting to it because Sunny Bunny is still falling asleep at 9:10 PM and then I’m too tired to go back downstairs and work. My hubby just falls asleep with Sam and sometimes even before him so he’s no good at this either.  A while I ago, I stopped laying next to him, now I sit on the floor next to him and let him hold Froggie. This week I had an assignment due on Thursday and I had only started it on Monday. It was either on Monday or Tuesday night that I wanted to knuckle down and I really did not want to sit in Sam’s room for however many hours it took to get him to sleep. After about half and hour of sitting in the dark, I decided to kiss him goodnight, I told him to go to sleep and I walked out. I could hear him start to whimper and then go in to full-on cry-mode. I stood at the door & waited for a reaction. First he stood on his toy box to reach the light, put it on and then he tried to open the door. When he realised that he couldn’t (because I was holding the door shut on the other side) he began to bang on the door. A minute (literally because I was counting) later I walked in, switched the lights off and tucked him in bed again with Froggie, made sure he had calmed down, kissed him goodnight and walked out. And again, the whimpering started, I think you get my point. By the time the banging started, he started calling for Lester. Upon hearing all this commotion, Lester comes upstairs to investigate. I explained what I was doing and why I was doing it and how that we really needed our bed and evenings back as a couple. He seemed to agree and then asked when the torture was going to end. In all this time, Sam was still crying at the door. I go in and repeat the process only for the crying to continue. Lester came up again and “relieved” me saying that he knew I had work to do but he’s make sure Sam settled. You know that meant his heart was very sore for his botjie and that he would do all he can to make sure he was okay. Half an hour later, Sam was in our bed and out cold. Not quite how I had envisioned it. Lester then came down and we had (what I thought was a) discussion about why this needs to be done and how we’d go about it. He “agreed”.

We had try a few hours of sleep-training before Sam turned a year. It was honestly the most traumatic experience for us all. The child cried until he vomited and just would not stop crying after like two hours NON-STOP. By midnight we had decided to call it quits, we couldn’t bear the heart-sore cry and we would wait until he was older. NOW that he has some understanding, I don’t feel so bad. We eased him out, got a single bed in our room, then moved it to his after a few weeks.

Back to the story. The following night it was hubby’s turn to put Sam to bed and you guessed it, EPIC FAIL. All my hard work went down the drain. My heart sank when I saw them fast asleep together in Sam’s bed.Last night being my turn, I was going to show no mercy and take no prisoners (in the nicest way). We started off with our usual ritual of reading a book and then saying his night-time prayers. It all seemed to go off well. I turned off the light and sat by his bed side on the floor. While waiting for him to sleep, I prayed, thought about a few things and then remembered my glass of wine waiting for me by MY bedside. What felt like forever actually turned out to be an hour and a half!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the bugger still was not dead to the world so I walked out without even a kiss good night. I marched off the hubby to tell him how he had ruined all my plans. He then followed me back to Sunny’s room because we were waiting for the drama to start and to our surprise, Sam switched on his room light and just sat on his bed without making a sound. After the allocated two minutes, I walked in, put the light off, tucked him in again and walked out. And then there was nothing…. no cries. No flick of a light switch. Not a sound even over the monitor. He had fallen asleep on his own, holding onto Froggie.

I wasted no time, hauled out my iPod because I wanted to watch a few videos and enjoy my wine. Sam woke up once, I repeated the whole process again for like 0.2 seconds and then I was back under the covers next to the traitor. WE ALL SLEPT until our alarms went off a 6 am!!! It was beyond believable! While I then floated in and out of sleep, L went to check in on Sam and he was still snug like a bug in a rug. Around 7:30 he stirred and my helper took over. A full night’s sleep in my bed, snuggled up to hubby was heaven-sent! The reason why I had mixed emotions because I felt guilty for kicking Sam out of the family bed. He still came to love me this morning but then refused to kiss me goodbye when I left for varsity & I swear I nearly shed a tear. Then I remembered that I cannot keep up the whole-laying-in-bed-til-he-sleeps-thing, it’s not because I can’t, hell I’ve done it for long enough but it’s plainly because I just don’t want to anymore.

So tonight, the same process will continue… I’ll give it a week and see from there… wish me luck…. with the traitor that is!!!!

Keep it on lock down

While on a run yesterday I decided that I really needed to write a post about the really amazing sports bras that I have and all thanks to great advice from  Tanya Kovarsky from Rattle and Mum & Dear Max, who’s been at it for a while now. And I must vehemently state that this is NOT A PAID POST but that in itself is another discussion I’ll have with you soon.

My family gene pool has a mix of big bazookas and not so much bum, hip and thigh on my dad’s side of the family while on my mother’s side, there is little boob with a whole lot of bum, hip and thigh, more than enough actually. Growing up, I always thought that I’d have my mother’s pear-shaped figure but the combined effects of: time or age, child-birth (yes, I still use that excuse) and gravity I now how an hour-glass shape. Mind you round is still a shape let’s not forget! Anyway, the whole point is that I now look like my paternal aunts and that’s not such a bad thing because you can remedy boobs easier with surgery than a pair of AK-49′s for hips.

On this post about Breasteses, which is actually a word from the Urban Dictionary, click here to see. I go on and on about how I want a boob job one day because having this much glandular tissue is not funny by any stretch of the imagination.

There were two very big reasons (pun intended)  that I don’t like any form of exercise involving too much effort on my part that would lead to sweating because of the Harriots (coloured hair problems) and because I didn’t want to be knocked unconscious by my bazookas for boobs. Tanya was kind enough to do a post for Triaction when she “tested” their sports bra. She used to wear two sports bras and when she found “the one”, extra support was no longer an issue. This got me wondering whether the manufacturer of sports bras actually cared enough to make “equipment” for those of us who tip the scales. Visit the Triaction By Triumph Facebook Page, its great and helpful too.

So off I went on a little adventure to find a suitable cage for the girls. Luckily, the first shop I stepped into proved useful, Sportsmans Warehouse. I made a bee-line for the garments in question but when I looked at the bra that Tanya had tried, I was very disappointed!!! That poor little piece of material would hold like a vapor in the wind in comparison to what I was looking for. I needed the Fort Knox of sports bras. Can you say lock down! So I kept on searching among the Triumph range and finally, like a light shone from the heavens, I saw it…. A sports bra for extreme sports and in my size 38 E (the black one in the picture on the far right). Technically I WAS an F cup at the time but thanks to running even the girls have managed to lose a little so now we all fit into a 38 DD but that’s just for sports bras. Anyway, it was a bit more than the one Tanya had paid for but for all the extras I was happy to pay a bit more. The straps were wide and padded. The back-straps were adjustable and the material absorbed sweat fast. Off I went to the change-rooms to do my jumping jacks and sprints-on-the-spot to test the “bounce-ability” of the girls. Let’s just be real here: when research says that you boobs can move up to about 4 cms away from your body during activity, not only is that far but that hurts when they aren’t secure and I don’t have time to sweat and be in unnecessary pain.

The story goes on. So one piece of equipment is not enough, I have to wear two. Instead of breaking the student piggy bank, I opted for a cheaper version and got one for medium impact sports, just two  notches down. I haven’t tried any other brands other than Nike because Triaction is really reasonably priced all round. Nike did not fit at all even in the XL and paying R500 was not an option I had.

On the road or treadmill, I almost forget that I have boobs, seriously. It’s like having a temporary boob job because they are stuck to you. I honestly cannot be more happier so if you ever need some advice, I’ll be happy to share and also the ladies at Sportmans’ Warehouse were quite knowledgeable, the one problem I had was that they don’t often get stock of the bigger sizes so buy it when you see it but they were happy to source that make more me.

Now that I enjoy a short run, the hair story is not such a big deal but I would never consider running if I did not wear my sports bras, they are that important to me. Go out there, don’t let winter hold you back and keep active or you could just have a whole bunch of sex instead!!!

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Hope still remains

So from THIS post you could tell I was having an off day – hell, even Stevie Wonder could see what a sad and sorry state I was in. In this little piece of cyber-space I get to share almost everything and bear my soul. Sometimes its not so nice (just ask my husband) but then there are moments where God in His utmost grace gently reminds me again and again to keep on going, His angels have never left my side.

 I have been having a really hard time at varsity adjusting to the increased work load, not only do I have a full time schedule but once a week I attend a part-time class at night too. Motherly duties don’t end (nor do wifely ones for that matter) but I would really love my helper to stay in to make it a little easier but that’s another story for another day. Back to my hectic life! This week while my boys were away I’ve got the chance to work in peace until really late and I’m halfway through catching up on the stuff I wanted to get done – ALL varsity work by the way, none of that while-the-cats-away-the-mouse-must-play story. This little mouse is working towards getting some cheddar, hahahaha. But because my life is so hectic, I feel anxious too often throughout the day, every day. Honestly, there is not a day that does not go by where I don’t think about how much work I have to get through or have not gotten to. I am very happy to admit that I have so far passed 3 of my 4 formal tests and the fail was really a fail but not one that I can’t recover from. I know I should be passing 4 out of 4 but YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW BAD, BAD REALLY IS. It’s to the point where NORMAL students, you know, the ones without a husband and family to take care of have dropped a subject or two just to ensure that they can pass the three they are carrying on with, so it’s not just poor old (in the nicest sense of the word) me having a little pity party.

 But let me get back to the main thing here. On Sunday, when I attended church, my pastor (and Jesus I love her because she says she such amazing stuff) @CarolGossman said that if you ever feel: confused, anxious, fearful, insecure and  a bunch of other stuff then there’s something wrong with your connection to God!!! I don’t know about you but that spoke straight to me like the heavens opened and God could not have said it more directly!!! God is about love and rest, peace and joy, He’s so full of goodness that there is nothing but goodness waiting for me.  Know this about me, I’m a daddy’s girl through and through so what I’m about to illustrate came naturally. Crawling into my physical father’s lap as a child was something I loved to do all the time. Back at church and in my seat, I pictured myself crawling into God’s lap, laying my head on his shoulder and feeling his arms around me and it started to disappear. The anxiety about passing, about finding gainful (in every sense of that word) employment and a place we can call home. I’m not saying it didn’t matter anymore because it still does (very much so) but what left was the heaviness that wanting those things so badly brought. In that peaceful and beautiful moment, my connection was restored. Not just to heaven’s resources but to the very heart of a good, loving and faithful Father who wants nothing more than to enjoy me.

 Towards the end of last year I got two very simple yet utterly earth-shattering prophecies for me. Hold your horses, I’m not going to the nations or anything glorious like that but these two prophecies have served as anchors for my soul. The first one was that God delighted in me. He not only loved me but He likes me. The sound of my name is resplendent and I am inviting to His senses. The second was that while I was looking for God out there somewhere, I had lost or forgotten that He is so near and so present; He’s always beside me and only a breath away. How soothing and remedying is that? How moving is it to know that I may never get an audience with the Presidents of the world but the God and Creator of the known universe is happy with me! He freakin’ likes silly, neurotic, stressed-Eric me! He totally digs me! Now why on earth wouldn’t THAT God not want to move the heavens to see me succeed in this life???? Like seriously! If I believe that He is just that good, then faith demands that I live like that.

 That was Sunday, when all this wonderful revelation came to me and it was only really today when I felt anxious again, that I made a conscious decision to not give into it. I am going to consciously rest in the TRUTH that I will be okay no matter what. My life is good because He is in it. And on top of that, a young friend of mine who doesn’t serve the Lord or attend as many lectures as I do and yet he is getting much better marks than I am. Praise God for that (and for youth) but my point is that he is still enjoying his life and not letting all the stress bog him down and I want some of that! I want to enjoy my life and not let it pass me by. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for hard work (I’ve got some mad workaholic tendencies) but there’s so much more to take joy and pleasure in.

 Dream boards  are something I think everyone should have put up in a room or put somewhere to remind ourselves never to stop dreaming. Follow me on Pinterest and you’ll see what I’m about. I would love to have one printed of my home actually. I want my crazy out-there dreams to be kept alive. Becoming a top Economist is still very much something I want to pursue and even know to say it out loud is daunting and almost embarrassing but I have to change the way I feel about my dreams – as clichéd as it sounds its bladdy true – if I don’t believe it, no one else will. There is always hope! The bible says that these remain: Faith, Hope and Love

 We may not be able to keep up with the Richens’ or the Ranas’ and that’s not how I view my friendships in any way but I still have so much to be grateful for – our home and all other good (non-material) things will come! I’m giving God the opportunity to blow my mind and I know He’s not going to disappoint.

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Attitude 2 and 3 of a Giant Slayer – Being Wholehearted & Facing Our Fears

This was written by my pastor at His People Joburg, feel free to follow her on Twitter @CarolGossman, she most certainly follows hard after God!

GIANT-SLAYING ATTITUDE #2 – BEING WHOLEHEARTED

Numbers 14:24 But because my servant Caleb has a different spirit and follows me wholeheartedly, I will bring him into the land he went to, and his descendants will inherit it.

To follow God wholeheartedly means to bring all of your heart (your emotions, will and desire) into each situation. Unfortunately most of us have been hurt at some stage in our lives and the most common way of dealing with emotional pain is to hide that part of our hearts away. We hide our pain behind blame-shifting (unforgiveness), pretending, trying to forget and anger. This makes us feel a bit better for a while but ultimately means that that part of our heart is locked away from the presence of God. Hurt may happen time and time again and each time we may shut away part of our hearts. This means that when we face life’s ups and downs we only have a small part of our hearts left. We are a shadow of who God created us to be, with most of our hearts locked away for protection. This is not a recipe for success. God wants to unlock the hidden parts of our hearts, heal them and restore them to wholeness. This requires us being honest and open about what we have been through and allowing God to speak to, love and heal even the ugliest and most secret parts of our lives. God wants us to live authentically and without veils. That is, being the same on the inside as we are on the outside; living truthfully and unashamed.

GIANT-SLAYING ATTITUDE #3 – FACING OUR FEARS

When I was young we used to go to a small town on the KZN South Coast for holidays. The beach was very steep and as a result the sea got deep very quickly and the waves were very big. I longed to go out past the breakers to swim with my Dad but whenever I tried the waves would intimidate me. I would run away from them but they caught me, tumbled me over and over, and dumped me unceremoniously on the beach. After many frustrating days I discovered that if I ran towards the waves and caught them before they broke that instead of them tumbling me I simply floated over the top of them. It was a breakthrough! I got my wish…I spent many happy hours splashing around with my Dad.

Most giants are projections of our fears and I have discovered over the years that they are very similar to those waves of my childhood. When we face them and move forward, they are seldom as bad as we thought they would be. Please notice that I didn’t say that we would always be unafraid –we are all afraid sometimes, but we don’t have to live running from the things we fear, they are conquerable.

1 Samuel 17:48–49 As the Philistine moved closer to attack him, David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet him. 49 Reaching into his bag and taking out a stone, he slung it and struck the Philistine on the forehead. The stone sank into his forehead, and he fell facedown on the ground.

As David moved toward Goliath, God took the small stone that David slung and used it to kill Goliath. It is seldom that a grown man, let alone a giant would be killed by a single stone, but God will use any effort that we exert in faith to bring us victory.

God will use what you have to destroy the giants in your life, live partnered with Him, wholeheartedly and facing your fears and victory is assured!

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My McCain Experience

The Other McCain Chef

So a McCain chef came to visit my family and I to show me how to prepare frozen veggies for my family on Monday night and then left me to prepare a meal a few days later using McCain’s products. The menu was simple, cottage pie, creamed spinach and a side serving of salad.

It turned out to be such a lovely meal that my husband had a second serving just as big as his first portion which took even me by surprise! Now that  Autumn is here and the evenings are much colder, a hearty home cooked meal like this one was perfect.

Just as a side note to Monday night with Chef Charl, it was refreshing to get a fresh perspective on cooking a classic meal like Cottage Pie. My culinary journey has mostly involved learning from my mother and family members who’ve had recipes passed down. I’m really not one to follow recipes but from now on, I won’t be so figure-it-out-as-we-go-along because this recipe brought through a really hearty mix of  flavors that was not too overwhelming to the palate. Please visit their Recipe page here, you will not be sorry!

Apart from the pics, here’s the recipe so that you can make this simple, nutritious and wholesome meal for your family as well.

Great McCain Products

Here’s the recipe that feeds 4 and only takes 45 minutes to cook:

Ingredients for the mince:

100 g	McCain Chef’s Solution Diced Onions
1	Garlic clove, minced
60g	McCain Diced Carrots
60g	Celery stalk, chopped
15g	Butter
15g	Flour
15ml	Tomatoe paste
500g	Beef mince
100ml	Red wine
400ml	Beef Stock
5ml	Thyme dried
1	Bay leaves
50g	McCain Mixed Vegetables
50g	McCain Counrty Cro
	Olive oil
TT	Salt
TT	Pepper

Ingredients for the Mash potato topping:

2	Medium potatoes
1litre	Milk
100g	Butter
5ml	Thyme dried
1	Glarilc clove, minced
TT	Salt
TT	Pepper
1	Egg

Cooking Method For the Mince:

1. Saute the McCain Diced Onion, garlic, carrot and celery until golden brown

2. Add the mince and allow to cook through

3. Add the butter, flour and tomato paste and cook off

4. De-glaze the pan with red wine and reduce until almost dry

5. Add the beef stock, thyme and bay leaves and simmer until the meat is of a rich, sauce-like consistency

6. Stir through McCain Mixed Vegetables and McCain Country Crop

7. Season with salt and pepper

 

Method for Mashed Potato Topping:

1. Peel and cube the potatoes

2. Bring the milk, garlic, thyme and potatoes to the boil

3. Continue cooking until the potatoes are cooked all the way through

4. Drain the potatoes from the milk and set aside for a few minutes to cool down

5. Using a potato masher, mash the potatoes until smooth, adding the milk back as necessary

6. Stir through the butter and season to taste

 

For the Assembly:

1. Spoon the mince into the base of an oven-proof dish

2. Top with the mash potato, either spread or piped and egg wash

3. Bake at 180 degrees Celcius until golden

A serving suggestion: Serve with a garden salad or steamed veggies

Then sit back, relax and not only enjoy your dinner but the time spent with your family. Its a really great feeling being able to feed your family and healthy and delicious meal.

Think Again, Think McCain

 

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Thanks McCain for farm-fresh goodness

For those of you who know me, I’m a do-it-the-easiest-way-you-can kind of cook. Short and sweet is what I love or one-pot-wonders work best for me. Needless to say, I love to eat and that’s why look the way I do. I just remembered that someone once told me that I’d have an eating disorder! Wah hah! It’s obviously the kind that tips the scales in the wrong direction.

 I most certainly love food and make no apologies for it! All foods in fact. As a child, we ate a lot of stews so true to form, my brother is a veggie-phobe and I’m the complete opposite. Give me veggies raw or cooked any day! I do prefer them fresh but with the way my life is so hectic, there’s very little time to constantly run to the shops and it becomes expensive in the end so I opt for frozen veg, those for casseroles and curries as well as those for roasting.

Like me, I’m sure you’re saying that having fresh vegetables is by far the best and I wouldn’t disagree but we shouldn’t negate the nutritious value that frozen veggies can bring. The benefits of using frozen vegetables are actually more than one realizes. Not only do they save you time and money, like I’ve just explained; they are versatile; require little preparation; there’s no wastage (unless you dish out too much for your fussy little eater like mine, in which case I re-feed it to him); and you’re able to get your veggies all year round. See, easy-peasy!

Anyway, back to my story. McCain was kind enough so send over Chef Charl last night to prepare a meal for my family and I. Even Sunny Bunny got to eat some potato smiles which he polished, picky eaters are a lot of work but who can say no to smile? My dinner consisted of lamb cutlets with roast potatoes as well as delicious roast vegetables and Tzaziki on the side – it was beyond amazing. You will never  understand how utterly stuffed I was and the accompanying glass of red wine finished it off so well. But the truth is that by following the package instructions, we can all eat a great, healthy and wholesome meal without doing it the long drawn out way.

So thanks again to the very nice people over at McCain for making life somewhat simpler for us busy people who still want to keep healthy…. Check out the cold facts and see for yourself that you’re not losing out in any way. Think again, think McCain

A little catch up

So after my sad post on Monday, I’ve had a pretty okay week.

Last week I got a gift sent to my house from McDonald’s and I love gifts. It was a message about how busy our lives are and how we need to spend quality time with our families OFFLINE – something social-media-obsessed people like me have a hard time doing and I know I’m not alone!!! And the box included a meal voucher to spend on the family on Family Day. One thing Sunny Bunny loves is running around and playing with other kids so off we went for lunch on Monday. What made that time even more precious was that Lester had been to run the Two Oceans Marathon that weekend so we all just needed time to catch up and be together and yes, I managed to put my phone in my bag and leave it there for a little while.

This weekend will be spent cuddling with Sunny Bunny as he gets over a chest infection (which I gave to him while he was with me over the weekend) and then I have the wonderful pleasure of a chef coming to my house on Monday night to prepare a meal for my boys and I. If there’s one thing you should know about me, it’s that I’m not a domestic goddess in the least! I live by one-pot-wonders and if it can be left to cook on its own, like grills, then I’m thrilled. You honestly cannot understand how excited I about Monday… Stay tuned to see how it goes….

Have a lovely weekend whatever you end up doing and whom ever you chose to be with – life is for the living so let the special people in your life know it.

Peace and Love